The day I woke up as an autistic person

The biggest shock of waking up autistic is, of course, that I have probably lived a fake life for 34 years. But there were moments that stood out, moments that held real meaning. This would be one such moment - coincidentally, around 6:30 am on a day in late December 2014, in Bengaluru.  

On Saturday, the 13th of September 2025, at the age of 34 years, 5 months, and 24 days, at around 6:30 am, I woke up as a new person – an autistic person. I fall short of saying a proud autistic person, as it is a title so new to me, so new that I wonder if ‘autist’ is a valid term, but it is with some excitement that I awoke. 

I have mulled the title for a few months now, my Eureka moment came some time in early 2025, what made this morning special was that I had come out the night before to an old friend, who had not judged me, who had not spoken of it as a disorder, and who had expressed a desire to be in my life more, which proposal obviously I promptly shot down. 

Joy is an emotion I have not felt in four years, but as I stepped out into the yard, the sky seemed brighter than it had in a long time. It was as if I had finally found the manual to this game everybody played and called various things like enjoying life or growing older, and I could not wait to see what secrets it held, if any of those secrets could allow me a way back inside. 

Old habits. 

I have spent so long expending all the energy at my disposal and a little more to try to find ways to fit in, it is hard to remember that the numerous benefits of acknowledging autism do not include finally finding validation from neurotypical people. 

The first benefit I feel is the new vocabulary it gives me. I know now what I have gone through in the last couple of years is not weakness, not delusion, not indiscipline, not retribution for evil, not even madness. It has a name – autistic burnout – and it happens because of other people. 

Autism is a man-made disability according to the social model of understanding it.